Survival
by Leara Fiera
Summary: Traumatized from day one, she has always been and life hasn't been easy for Ziva David. Growing up to all too big expectations and never taking anything for granted. No mercy, just numbness.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Since I posted my first fic, the oneshot 'Act', I have been wondering what I should post (have a lot lying on my computer) and decided to write something, I love to read myself, Ziva-centric on the Israeli's childhood. How did she get that haunted expression and how did she learn to keep her face unemotionally? And talk about the awkwardness of the Eli-Ziva relationship - does he even call himself a father? Well, here's my shot at how the Israeli's childhood was.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS or any of its characters.

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**SURVIVAL, Prologue**

The moment, she is born, a man is shot. He is dead before he hits the dirty ground in the dim alley. The bullet hole between his eyes reveal all except why. A numb smile is seen on the face of the killer; a family member, who she will trust blindly later and be betrayed by emotionally. From her first breath, her fate is planned. She is destined to do something, few are capable of and for now it is best to keep her close ones ignorant, although her father has plans for her, just like he has for his son, who is yet a boy.

She enters the world silent. She doesn't cry and it worries the doctors, but they realize she is a fighter, although she is born three weeks premature. Her heart beats strong and nobody will ever call her adorable again. Because she is nothing to adore, only to fear later, when her mother will realize that she takes after her father, which will be too late to do anything about it. She will disappoint and impress, but that the young mother doesn't know yet as she exhausted looks at the little girl in the crib, now sleeping peacefully. Her eyes look innocent, the brown orbs glowing, hidden by the small eyelids and she is truly beautiful, underestimated from day one. Curiosity is spotted in the oculars and later, her mother will regret ever seeing it in her with excitement and she will wish her daughter never had been curious. But for now, she looks longingly at her daughter, whose curly hair is just like her own; her small fingers has grabbed the linen and she holds on stubbornly. Few hours later, a newly showered man walks through the doors of the hospital room 212. His expression is softened, still harsh from earlier, but doesn't become less unreadable and he smiles falsely to his young wife, apologizing for not being there at time, that a mission occupied him, kept him from being there at their firstborn child's birth. The mother smiles, pretends not to notice his absence earlier and informs him that their newborn is fine, healthy and strong. When she tells him it is a girl, a flash of disappointment crosses his face, unreadable to anyone but the woman lying in the bed, who has known him long enough to distinguish genuinely care. He hasn't even removed his sidearm, when he entered the room and she shakes her head mentally, too afraid to acknowledge that he feels unsafe without a gun, even in a public hospital and the fact that he wanted a boy instead of a girl.

He leans to her, whispers soft words in Hebrew to her ear and kisses her on the forehead, showing his love as he caresses her cheek, where her tendrils have glued to her temples in her hours of labor. He tells her to rest and then he leaves. It takes the mother minutes to realize that he didn't even look at the girl, opposite to her, who can't take her eyes off of the weak - no, vulnerable - girl. She sighs, memorizes the newborn's features and closes her eyes to do as he told her. To get a good night's sleep. She knows that tomorrow, he will be on a new mission and if she is lucky, she will know where it is, but mostly, she will be ignorant of the danger, location and the cause of the mission. She sighs and her smile fades until she is sound asleep.

Five minutes later, it is two o'clock. The little girl was born in the midnight, at nightfall and under the skyline of Haifa in the little hospital with few nurses and doctors. The stars are bright and glow, just as the eyes of the girl. Her will is stronger than any infant ever born and you can say she is blessed and cursed for being the daughter of an assassin and a young woman, who is ignorant of the actions her little baby will cause in a decade and through her entire adulthood. Her childhood will be too short and Ziva David will never be dependent, neither in love and career, fate or will.

A dog barks, music plays and the night continues through silent thunder of the life, that will follow and the past, that will haunt her.

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What do you think? Review and let me know if I should continue!


	2. Failure as a Father

**A/N: **Sorry for the enormous late update. I have been feeling guilty every time, I opened the FFN page and the only excuse is that I wanted to make this the right way. I'm a little sad by the lack of reviews, but what the hell - you will make it up for me, right? Right? Anyway, I wanted this chapter to show that Eli didn't plan his daughter's future from the beginning, but that he saw how his wife wanted their family to be and actually tried to grant her wishes. So, I hope you like it and thanks for reviewing this story!

I would like if you came with suggestions of what kind of stories you want for this in the chapters, like etc. _a bomb attack where one is seriously injured _or something like that. I miss responses, so I will stop rambling and post this unbeta-ed story.

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of its characters.**

**Failure as a father**

It is past dawn and the bright sun shines through the windows. Although she is still recovering from the result of sleeplessness, she doesn't go to bed. She is tired and lonely, the later being awfully familiar to her through the marriage to her husband. It isn't that she doesn't love him or value his work, but sometimes, she would wish that they belonged in another work, a world, where he came back every night, ate dinner and they went to bed together. She knows that these thoughts are ridiculous and silly - something wrong for her to be thinking. She doubts herself for not being good enough for him when having these things on her mind and is ashamed of it. Yet she doesn't tell him about it, just hopes that some day, he will understand her, even though she knows that he will never see the world form her point of view.

When they weren't married, he was different. He spent time with her, taking her on moonwalks and telling stories that made her eyes go wide in amazement and he would never tell her if they were true of false. anyway, she would be delighted by his company and their romance when they sat on the torch, her falling asleep into his chest. He would tell her that he'd protect her forever and she would smile, half awake and believe him. She always knew that Eli would marry her some day, because he never saw interest in other girls and called her beloved in front of everyone. The first time he met her parents, he didn't hide that his intention was to marry her, and this thrilled her mother, because he was from a good family and she said that she could see it in his eyes that he loved her.

They married years ago, having a big wedding with their equal friends and some of his colleagues. During the reception, one mentioned some work-related business case and he had whispered in her ear and suggested - although she knew it was an order - that she should take a glass of champagne with her college friends who she had remained in touch with. Sending them dark gazes, she obeyed and disappeared into the rush hour of guests. She still remembers it and although she now knows who he works and operates for - something that is capable of sending shivers down her spine in the cold nights - he still keeps the information to a minimum and never goes into details. Most of the times, he withdraws himself to his study chamber if he brings work home or has contacts to call. She has learned not to disturb him, though his patience at the subject is admirable, yet is clear that she is not allowed to be there. Something never changes.

Somehow she had hoped that he would be more thankful after the birth of their firstborn. It was no secret that before their marriage, he had a son. During their engagement, he even asked for her permission to do the operation. Inside, she knew that he had already decided to agree to the term, so she said yes, hoping that with her approval, he would be more understanding and wouldn't fall in love or be unfaithful through mind. When he came back, he was just as honest with her and they married the spring after. In their honeymoon, he got one call out of several saying that his son had been conceived during his mission and the asset was now pregnant. She didn't know her name until she became pregnant herself. She has never dwelled at the conception of the half-Arab. She had never been keeping tabs of it Eli visited her. At their two years anniversary, they were desperately trying to get pregnant. She could see it in his eyes, the unburned anger and bitterness towards her in secret. He distanced himself to her until one fateful day, the result was positive. The only time she resembled herself and the Arab was when she couldn't get pregnant and wondered how many times Eli had slept with her to make that son. The next week, she found herself pregnant.

Stifling a yawn, she puts her tea down on the kitchen island. Ever since their daughter was born three days ago, she had insisted on going home, where their nursery was, ready and welcoming the infant, but Eli won't allow her, indicating he has an assignment, and by the stubborn gaze, he sent her, while she tried to convince with him, it is one Director Goldstein has sent him on during their vacation time in Haifa. When he is done, we will take her and their newborn home and pretend that the argument never happened. It pains her that he puts the mission above his daughter, but she cannot change his loyalty priorities and al she wishes is that he would at least acknowledge and sit with their little Ziva. He has barely been home for the three days and the only conversation, she has had with him ended in discussing when Eli's son should see his sister. The poor kid is six years old and almost seven, old enough to understand that he has someone to protect now. The young mother understands her husband's intention with this and is thankful for the concern, but thinks of it as a great burden to lay on the shoulders of a seven-year-old boy, who only spends half of his life in their house.

Yael David walks to her daughter's crib, seeing the child is awake, but hasn't started crying yet. She knows she gets attention and her patience is as her parents' yet those big eyes looks on Yael, seeing right into her soul as if telling her that she sees her misery and loneliness and she lets out a sob, a mild one for a child her age. Yael lifts her up, mostly for her own sake, and carries her around in the living room, mumbling small words to Ziva and telling stories about her father and their country. The duty, he performs and what causes her sacrifices. She is not sure if the little girl is listening, but sometimes, when she pauses, Ziva's eyes goes wide and she looks intensely at her mother. So she continues, splitting all of her secrets and thoughts to the little girl, unshed tears built from months' hidden misery in her marriage to the curly-haired girl.

When she is done, she sighs and dries the tears away. On her wedding night, she promised her husband to never cry and she wants to keep that. Therefore, she looks at the girl with the curious, brown eyes and fragile body and whispers while her stomach growls and the sunshine streams through the windows in the little holiday rental apartment, with a wary voice: "This will be our secret, won't it, precious little Zivaleh?" The girl doesn't respond, neither did Yael expect, but she moves her head up in what could be a nod. Yael is unaware that exactly a decade from this very day, Ziva will keep her first secret from her mother and lie straight to her face about it, the only reason that her father has told her not to tell anyone about it. A decade from now - where the young mother smiles at her daughter's innocence - Ziva will learn about lies and everything, Yael has hoped she will never learn and all of this, will happen because of the plans, her father is making for her future in a decade from now.


End file.
